For the first time in my life I wasn’t self-conscious. I wasn’t concerned about the future. I was happily enjoying the present as it is.– Antonia
I was a seeker from a very young age. I believed there was something more to this life than just conforming to social norms and surviving. I always admired people who accepted life like it is, and thought there was something wrong with me for wanting to experience something more. I felt like an outcast among people for whom all they did made perfect sense, because I was so often wondering why? Why do I have to do all of these things in life? I felt huge emptiness and lack of purpose whatever I chose to do in life.
I always thought I would be fulfilled by this next thing I was doing in life, but it never really happened. I was waiting for something to take me out of this reality I was stuck in. And it wasn’t even a bad reality.
I was healthy and safe, had loving relationships and friends. Yet I was getting more and more depressed. This unfulfillment led me to vices, and numbing out this feeling of emptiness.
Meanwhile I was reading a lot on spirituality, tried some techniques, and these were all pieces to a puzzle that was preparing me for the most wonderful and unbelievable thing.
Oddly, in all of my seeking life, I have never tried meditation. In one especially trying period in my life, I was in my mid-twenties and still trying to find myself career wise, one of my friends took me for a free meditation course. I didn’t expect much. A dentist lady held it in her waiting room. There were very few people and I found it quite nice. Nothing more than that. We watched videos of Shri Mataji, and I knew about many teachers at that time, but Shri Mataji had this motherly energy that teachers usually lack, even female ones. I thought at one point, ‘This lady is enlightened!‘. But I didn’t get very far in my meditations for one or two months that I kept on attending the program.
It was just suddenly, when I was faced with difficult situation in my life, that all the heaviness completely lifted, and I found myself feeling complete happiness and the task I was dreading became a fun filled journey. I felt an amazing detachment from everything I did. For the first time in my life I wasn’t self-conscious. I wasn’t concerned about the future. I was happily enjoying the present as it is.
I didn’t know at that time what caused this state of being, because I was experimenting with different techniques. However, the shine soon wore off. I was again in my ordinary life, anxiety creeped back in, but I had this beautiful memory and the proof of an amazing state that can be achieved. My life started changing. I didn’t know at that point that my inner energy had awakened and started clearing out my subtle body, purging everything that was harming me, from relationships to the bad habits (and addictions) I had.
I continued to meditate, and the hard thing for me was that for a year or two there weren’t any Sahaja Yoga programs held in my city.
While meditating on my own I started feeling all the sensations Shri Mataji was talking about in her videos: Cool breeze, sensations on my fingers and different parts of my body.
I started to awaken spiritually and all the illusions started falling off.
I joined Sahaja Yoga classes again in 2015 and realized the enormous power it held.
Sahaja yoga is beautiful because it is an actual experience. It is so very practical and so much different than anything I have ever seen and tried. It is genuine. It is the key to your own self.
My self-realization is still unfolding and there are beautiful surprises at each step of this journey. With confidence I can say I started living only after I received my self-realization. It’s more than I could ever hope for.
I thank Shri Mataji every day for having found me and for giving the highest, most precious gift to humanity.
Antonia – Croatia (yogini sister that loves our Collective and our Blog) 🙂
Enjoy 2 Presents: Enlightened Music & Poetry & Painting (drop a comment 🙂 )
(#2 Music Video) “Ganymed” poem/lyrics: Johann Wolfgang von Goethe; Vibrations and Voice: Cleopatra David
“Ganymed” by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (EN translation)
How, in the morning brightness,
You all around shine at me,
With thousandfold love-bliss
The holy feeling
Of your eternal warmth
Presses itself upon my heart,
Could I but embrace you
In this arm!
Ah, upon your breast
I lie, languish,
And your blossoms, your grass
press upon my heart.
You cool the burning
Thirst of my bosom,
There calls the nightingale
Lovingly for me from the misty valley.
I come, I come!
Whither, ah whither?
Up! Up it surges.
The clouds are leaning
Downwards, the clouds
Bow down to yearning love.
To me! To me!
In your lap, clouds,
Upwards to thy bosom,