Now here come the miracles, subtle and many that are still unfolding. I started meditating a few minutes per day and continued the classes. And subtly, I realized that these peaceful moments of thoughtlessness were healing me and a protection had begun to form around me.
I noticed that I was becoming a detached witness to my life.
The first time I noticed it was in my marriage.
During my first year of marriage, I had reacted very much, and taken things very personally. A lot of arguments that were only mole hills, had escalated to mountains. I had come to learn from class, that my reactions came from either my conditionings/baggage from my past, or over-worrying about the future.
All these thoughts from my past and future were influencing, tainting my ability to deal with the present situation in a pure way.
My baggage was filling me up with unfounded fear.
After a few short months of meditating, I was cooking and I turned to see my husband upset and yelling about something that was bothering him.
I watched him, for the first time, without reacting and without trying not to react.
It was effortless non-reaction.
I really listened this time, and I could exactly pinpoint the source of his concerns.
I was in the present, I could hear what he needed, and I was marvelling at how cool as a cucumber I was. I even had time to be amazed by my own calm in the storm.
Nothing from my past was coming up to create a reaction in me, and I knew just what to say and do.
I felt complete love for him, and I addressed his concerns without patronizing him, interrupting him, speaking from my ego or defending myself. I saw that his shoulders completely relaxed and he said with relief «Thank you, Paulinka.» I hugged him, and there it was! I had spoken to him with that divine diplomacy!I felt a divine protection, completely loved and loving towards my husband. He felt loved by me too and was completely diffused from his angry state.
My words and the energy they carried were authentic in tone, content, and feeling. I did not react or associate him with the behaviour. I just saw the root of the problem and was able to effortlessly diffuse the conflict. I felt enlightened and saw how clearing the mind for a minute or two here and there, could be so empowering.
I was not reaching into my past to deal with the problem.
I relied on the present, the only connection with actual truth. The more I take my ego out of my marriage, the more heartfelt and sincere conversations and experiences we have. It eliminates irrelevant, ego producing issues and keeps our relationship growing in a trustworthy direction. Surprisingly, when my own ego is out of the equation, his ego stays at bay too. A method with proven rewards!
There is more dancing in the kitchen, singing, spontaneity, music, playfulness, discovering our joy and the beauty in every moment.